6 Reasons Why You Would Be Crazy
To Hire Me
There are many reasons why you shouldn't hire me. Ask my mother, friends, or especially any ex-girlfriend & they will give you myriad reasons why I am pure unadulterated evil.
Often Tardy (Turtle Related)
I occasionally go by the name Casey Jones & can be seen fighting the good fight with other vigilantes whose names are based on famous artists.
Frequent Bathroom Breaks (I always wash my hands)
Most human bodies are 60% water, mine is 61%.
Chronic Alarm Snoozer (Illness)
While my knack for staying up all night is truly fascinating, the aftermath results in a minimum of 3 alarm snoozes the following morning according to our statistics.
Joker-like Tendencies (Jack Nicholson not Heath Ledger)
Like the joker, I also tend to laugh when confused or annoyed.
Casual Friday Exploiter (Cheeseburger in Paradise)
Will be appearing on casual Friday in outfits that channel the spirit of Jimmy Buffet.
Apologies to those who oppose Margaritaville.
Questionable Pilot (Paper Aviation)
While well experienced with aviation, those skills have translated poorly to paper aircrafts. This has led to an unfortunate 56% failure rate, most commonly landing in creative director's coffees.